Building a better online personal ad
Meeting through an online media is much different than
meeting in person. Even with pictures, the process is much
more mental than physical. On the positive side, it can
be liberating to meet people without the baggage of physical
appearance. Communicating through writing forces one
to rely more on intelligence and less on physical attributes.
It is easy enough to find personal ads from people who would
qualify as opposite-sex magnets in a nightclub (or better
yet, a bookstore). If you are an attractive woman, you can
write even a semi-intelligible ad, post a few alluring
photos and your mailbox will be perpetually full. With
10 straight men for every straight woman using adult personals
on the Internet the numbers are skewed. If you are a handsome
man, a few photos will help your cause, but you still need
to create an ad (and an introductory note) that will elicit
a response.
So, how can intelligent, decent and erotic people find
one another?
The first key is to write competently. Check spelling and
grammar. Even well educated people miss errors, so it makes
sense to have someone proofread your ad or, at a minimum,
use the editing features of your software.
Good writing tells a story. The goal of your ad or initial
correspondence should be to weave words into something
more than a sexual grocery list. Be specific. If you read
a hundred or more online personal ads, you will begin to
notice that most fall into a familiar cadence, pattern
and vocabulary. Intelligent browsers often use search
engines to select ads based on key words. For example, a
woman might search ads for men interested in erotica.
Erotica is a good example of a word that indicates a particular
interest and separates the ad from those who mention porn.
Some order steak. Others order an aged New York strip done
medium rare. There is a difference. Even better than simple
erotica would be a reference to a specific book like Yellow
Silk or an author like Dany Laferriere.
The goal of a well-written ad is not only to generate hits
on the search engine, but also to create a well-defined
image of the author. The more information you can convey
to a potential liaison, the more likely the right person
will find you. This approach articulates a clear philosophical
choice of quality over quantity.
Many online participants in adult personals are striving
to have as much sex with as many people as possible call
it the McDonalds approach of billions served. Others
(like me) seek a handful of truly incredible experiences
over the course of a lifetime. The number of closet romantics
might surprise you. For us, uniqueness is a necessary ingredient
in erotic alchemy. Not many people want to be generic sexual
experience number 13, 417. The ability to recognize the
uniqueness in ones self suggests the ability to see it
in others.
Erotic writing is often made better by a measure of levity.
The ability to laugh in bed (and elsewhere) is a greatly
unappreciated sexual talent. No matter how skilled the
lovers, there are times when sex produces smiles, chuckles
and even deep belly laughs. If you have a sense of humor,
let some peek through in your writing.
After you have written, let your work sit for awhile. Fold
the page, close the file, put the writing away for a day or
two. Come back and read it with a fresh perspective. With
few exceptions, I will find a few words to change.
Keep your ad fresh. Experiment. Try new approaches. There
are no assurances that even a perfectly written ad will
find the right person. Try to read your ad from with an objective
eye. If you read the ad, are there enough details, interest
and intrigue to sway you into the risky proposition of making
a response?
Finally, one of the great freedoms of the online personal
ad is the chance to be completely uninhibited and honest.
I am a self-confessed leg man. This attraction extends
from a moon-round ass down to perfectly painted toes. Earlier
in life, I was willing to make vague references to liking
a womans legs, but I stopped short of making any comments
about her feet. I did not want to give the impression I was
a fetishist. Having explored some fetish pages on the Internet,
my appreciation of the female foot is rather pedestrian
(pun intended).
Fetish or not, online personals allow complete disclosure.
This is your time to speak openly of some hidden desires
and to keep a few others to leave room for mutual exploration
with the right partner. The basis for writing an adult personal
ad should be hope, not fear. Unlike the club scene, there
is no overt rejection or immediate judgement of you based
on your physical appearance. (Attractive or not, most
of us want to be known for something more than our surface.)
I hope this article inspires you to write a better ad, one
where more of you can be found in the words and between the
lines.
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