The Seven Different Kinds of Sex
1. SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security
sex." "Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not
enough to live on!"
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2. LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've
got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and
my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear, " the shrink said, "that's
completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is."
"The problem is, " she complained, "It
wakes me up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked
his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How
come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're
never home!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood"
was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him
that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but
that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it was considered cosmetic The doctor said the cost would
be $3, 500 for "small, $6, 500 for "medium,
$14, 000 for "large." The man was sure he would
want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it
over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called
his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking
dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked
the doctor. The man
answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
40th wedding
anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting
you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold
As Ever'."
"Yeah, " she replies, "When you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. WOMEN'S SEX
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This
will make you
happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the
doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. OLD PEOPLE'S SEX
One night a 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her
92 yr old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent
and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor
assisted living apartment...Killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on charge of murder. The judge
asked her if she had
anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, Yes, your
honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...He could
fly.
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