Ongoing MFM that's not working
In a recent Rant and Rave article, a_s_play writes that
they are a couple trying to have an ongoing relationship
with another man, but that even successful first meetings
have consistently ended up with no follow-up from the other
men. In addition to the four hypotheses that they list for
why this might be the case (all the four are plausible),
I'd like to add another.
First, a bit of perspective on myself. Although I have never
been the other man in an MFM, I would certainly be willing
with the right couple, e.g., nice people, the man is straight,
the woman is very sexual and adventurous, etc. And I agree
with you wholeheartedly that sex normally gets better
as people get to know each other. So, assuming that I was
your second man and we had a great night together (no, I'm
not suggesting it for real; we live way too far apart...lol),
I would probably want to have more of them.
I ask myself what could happen after that first night that
would change my mind. First, I might become involved in
a relationship with someone and figure that it's better
to pursue that than an occasional night with you. In that
case, however, it would seem only polite to let you know.
Also, this reason isn't likely to be true for all of
the men you have had experience with.
The other reason, which forms my "fifth" hypothesis
for you, is that in thinking about the situation afterwards,
I might feel too much like an outsider to be comfortable
with continuing the relationship. The two of you are married,
you spend basically all of your days and nights together;
I will be involved only when, to put it bluntly, it is convenient
for you. For me personally, I'm not sure that would
be a deal breaker, but I can see how a man's ego would
have difficulty handling that thought.
It might be possible to work around that kind of difficulty
to some extent if the husband does some outside activities
with the other man -- going to a ball game, fishing, etc.
That could make him feel more connected and therefore more
likely to continue the sexual end of the relationship.
That whole analysis might be way off base, but I do hope there
is enough value in it to help you at least a little. Good luck,
and best wishes for finding everything that will make you
happy.
|
