The lost art of kissing...
Think back to the days when you and the love of your life (or
of the moment) kissed; before you actually had sex - either
for the first time ever or the first time for the two of you.
Remember how exciting and passionate and raw it was? And
how it could go on for hours? Well, in honor of Valentine's
Day almost being upon us (like it or not), it's time
to take back the kiss as a sensual act unto itself, not just
a prelude to "the act."
"Why?" I'm sure you're asking. "Why
in the name of all that is holy would you talk about taking
a step back? We're sexually active adults, so why shouldn't
kissing continue to be foreplay that eventually leads
to more?" Now listen, I'm not saying that we need
to ban sex. Believe me, I'm not. I just think that limiting
how far we go from time to time would actually go a long way
toward making our sexual experiences richer and even more
enjoyable. Intrigued? Hear me out and I guarantee it'll
be worth your while. No, really.
First, let's talk a little about why this is a good idea
- aside from just being plain ol' fun:
It will take you back to your more innocent days.
And yes, that can be a good thing. No matter how much of an,
uh ., experienced lass or lad you are, there was a time B.I.
- Before Intercourse. A time when everyone knew what the
limits were, so there was no pressure about going further.
You could just enjoy the moment and all of the new feelings.
Of course, there was always the idea of sex in the back of
everyone's mind - that's what made the making
out so "dangerous" - but for the most part, no
one had to seriously confront that issue, so it was just
hours of glorious liplock.
You'll be reminded of why you were attracted to your
partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend in the first place.
That first kiss in a relationship is so many things - excitement,
nervousness, an assessment. (Yes, it's true; we equate
the way our partners kiss with how good they'll be while
horizontally engaged. This should not come as a surprise
to anyone.) It's also the first time we feel that spark
- that electrical feeling that jolts us when chemistry
is happening between two people. It's giddy, it's
arousing, and it can be recaptured.
OK, so you're hopefully warming up to this experiment.
Now, how to implement it? I'll be the first to admit
that this may take a little cunning - particularly if you're
currently in a relationship that has crossed the sexual
border many, many times. You don't want to be a complete
tease or make your partner think that you aren't attracted
to him or her anymore, but you also need to control the situation.
So, the most important thing is to undertake this semi-spontaneously.
Don't plan an Intercourse Embargo when you've
got a special night on the horizon - romantic dinner, an
anniversary, etc. - because frankly, that's just
cruel.
It will take a bit of resolve on your part as well, because,
let's face it, we enjoy having sex with our partners.
And honestly, if things do progress to the point of no return,
there's certainly no harm in it. You'll just have
to try again. and how is that a bad thing? That said, here
are my suggestions for a successful Kissing Coup:
Take your love by surprise.
Some of the most exciting kisses are the ones we're
not expecting. They don't even have to be soulful,
tongue-twisting extravaganzas, either. The next time
you're just sitting quietly together or even out walking
around, try grabbing your sweetie and laying one on their
lips - you'll both be surprised by how satisfying it
can be. Just be mindful of where you are, and if things do
start to get hot and heavy, do everyone a favor and find a
more private spot.
Stay dressed.
Make sure you're fully clothed before you commit to
this endeavor. You're only tempting feelings of rejection
if you prance around in something skimpy beforehand and
then try to convince your kissing partner not to go any further.
Use different techniques to keep things simmering; not
boiling.
Once you've found a place to get comfortable, don't
start going to town immediately. The point is to build things
up, not to get you both immediately worked up and frustrated.
If there's a move that you know gets your lover's
heart racing (like earlobe nibbling or lip biting), do
it, but only for a split second. Then get back to the kissing.
Maybe kiss around their lips for a little bit, then come
back to the main attraction. And don't be frantic about
any of it. If you sense that control is being lost, just slow
your own pace , and your partner will most likely follow.
Also, it's very important that the furthest south
the kissing goes is the collarbone. Do I really need to explain
why?
Remember the importance of embrace...
Nothing feels more comforting than being in the arms of
the one you love. Personally, few things get me hotter when
my boyfriend and I are kissing than when he places both hands
on my face. It just feels so intimate - as though I'm
the only one on Earth that he's ever kissed like that.
Yes, I know that's not true (yes, it is!), but there's
nothing wrong with feeding the fantasy. So, run your fingers
through your partner's hair, caress their faces,
touch their lips and pull them closer to you.
But also remember the importance of not touching.
Obviously, this kissing-only outing is not going to last
if you're both groping each other's privates.
Try to keep the fondling to the arms, neck, back and shoulders.
If your mate is trying to go for the gold, simply move his
or her hand elsewhere. The best move for this is to take the
wandering hand and just entwine it with yours, or maybe
turn it into a playful restraint situation by taking both
of their hands and gently pinning them with your own, above
the head or to the sides.
Try getting things started when you know you or your partner
have to go somewhere soon.
That guarantees (for the most part - I've not discounted
quickies) a stopping point without anyone's feelings
getting hurt. It also gives you that revved up, "I
can't wait to get back home" feeling that can
make for some pretty explosive sexual encounters later.
Mostly, just have fun.
Again, this is to improve your love life, not restrict it.
Obviously, if you're feeling it, then you should do
whatever makes you feel good. Or if you know that your partner
will be taken aback by not "closing the deal, "
then teasingly whisper that you're trying to get them
hot and bothered so that when you do make love later, it will
be better than ever.
So there you have it - a simple blueprint for Makeout City.
Whether or not you use these particular techniques, kissing
your own sweet baboo (and no, that's not a euphemism
for any body part) will enrich and enliven your relationship.
Not to mention, it will assure your partner that you love
them and lets them know that, regardless of the longevity
of your twosome, you are still attracted to them. Now, go
load up on lip balm, turn on the radio, and get to smooching!
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